The Power of the Goddess – Both Inside and Out From Samhain to Imbolc

The Role of the Wheel of the Yeah and

Connecting to the Goddess in my life

Below - My Inbolc Altar

Well, how crazy can life be sometimes? Work has come in thick and fast despite the recession. I sometimes wonder whether the fact we are being bombarded left right and centre with news and views that we ARE in a recession is all part of a factious rumour, I mean, tell someone something long enough and we start to believe it, right?

In the Pagan calendar SAMHAIN (October 31st) is a time of honouring the dead, our forgotten ancestors, and a time for meditating and getting rid of things no longer useful or necessary in our lives. At this time and after a meditation, I made a braid. Into this I platted the things that needed to go. I wasn’t happy particularly with what came about during the meditation. I knew a relationship that I was hanging onto had to go. I had clung on long enough believing that given enough time, understanding and love that he could change his ways, let go of his fears and become the person he truly was (or I thought he was!) But I constantly had to suffer the humiliation of someone who on a regular basis played pick me up and slam me down games with me. Still I hung on. I gave him time, and space, and still cared for him, but he could only take and not give. The relationship ended after he openly admitted (no actually he shouted at me) that he in his words ‘didn’t care’ how I felt and how painful it was for me to tell me that he was eating Christmas dinner with his ex wife! And I was not supposed to be hurt by this, as it was a sign of weakness! He called me a saddo, because I was upset that I would be eating Christmas dinner on my own rather than with the man I loved. He left telling me how much he loved me! And was looking forward to Glastonbury with me the following weekend…..Yeah right! I knew being with him was like being on a surf board, rising gently towards the crest of a wave and coming slap bang hammering down. The next morning I gave him the chance to say sorry. He didn’t he ended it swiftly and without ceremony. I realised at long last that he wasn't worth it.
I no longer had to put up with crazy emotional outbursts, banging his head off the steering wheel because he couldn’t find somewhere and blaming me, storming off in the middle of Glastonbury and leaving me to cross a busy duel carrageway by myself...yes I know I'm partially sighted, but it didn't seem to bother him! complaining of a few cat hairs on his black t-shirts, being accused of stopping him seeing his kids, not having time to read, not being allowed to eat in his car, and having to put my muddy boots in a carryer bag, on a mat, on a carpet for fear of dirt in the back of the van. No longer do I have to sit and listen to him tell me how much he couldn’t stand the people we went to camps with. Constantly criticising them, because that’s not the way he would do it or because their spiritual path was not the same as him….whatever that is. I didn’t have friends over, as he (in his words)‘wasn’t a people person’. He complained that he didn’t have time for anything because he was at my house twice a week but would sit down and eating a meal I had cooked him. He did nothing for me, unless there was something in it for him. If he cried he wanted comforting, if I cried I was weak. I was walking on egg shells, not knowing what was going to happen next with him, when this shift in personality and his alter ego and dark side would come out, it was not good to see. Sadly, the man who needed to spend more time with his children and be a real father, and who didn't need a relationship or woman by his side to lean on and who preferred his own company, Well he lasted a whole fortnight before needing another woman! WOW! lol. So he's a liar too! lol. Worst thing was, he told other friends he needed to spend more time with his kids, making out he was the doting father, so he lied to them as well. How very spiritual. Using the kids as an excuse for everything is unforgivable. He would have done better for himself perhaps if he had read some of those books and looked deep within as to why he needs to behave like that, and sadly looks like his kids are no further up the pecking order than they were before, time that can never be made up in ANY lifetime. But I somehow think he will realise it far too late. Not my problem any more :o)

I learnt that some people are so messed up, you can’t fix them, no matter how much you love them and whatever you try and you are only making things worse for yourself in the long run trying to drag someone screaming and kicking down another way of life. He had less respect for me than I have for myself. I am relieved, at peace and so much more settled and back to my old self without him. It's hard when someone needs so much emotional support but is unwilling or unable to give it back when needed.

So SAMHAIN.....

The meditation helped me realise my own fear. I had a fear of success, (because I didn’t have a supportive partner) and a fear of money. I’m not materialistic so to crave money doesn’t come easily to me. I value people over money and material things.
So I needed to let go of fear on many different levels. I no longer fear success and realise that to have a supportive partner would be nice (perhaps) but I am capable of doing it alone.

Yule (21st December) Is a time for reflection. There’s something comforting about getting home from work, closing the curtains and getting all snugly and warm in the safety and comfort of your own four walls. It’s also a great time for reading, learning and going with the flow. It wasn’t always like this…. I suffered really badly with Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D) some years ago. I bought a light box and read self help books and the more I live in tune with the turning of the Wheel and realising its relevance in my life and the effect on it, the more at one I am within myself also. I’ve used this time to find out WHO I really am. What connects me to Mother Nature, what makes me tick and how easily I can just ‘be’ and go with the flow. I have read more books in the last 2 months that I have done in the last 9 years. My creativity is flying, my ideas are coming thick and fast, I am planning for future projects and I’m free to do whatever I want, whenever I want, with whoever I want….It’s a good place to be. Oh yes I’ve certainly enjoyed the Winter.

IMBOLC (February 2nd) Is a celebration of the return of the light. One where the body (and nature) starts to wake up a little bit and come out of that restful sleepy almost dead phase. Where planning starts and a renewed energy starts to flow. Ideas started in the Winter slowly start to gestate into becoming real. I have cleared my altar of the holly and it will be burnt along with memories from the past that need to be put to rest. Winter isn’t a great time for clearing out the cobwebs, but at Imbolc we start to look forward to the return of the sun, brighter warmer days and with the optimism of things made new. I’ve cleared some clutter (especially clutter that doesn’t belong to me) and old worn out things I no longer need around me. My altar is renewed in honour of Brigid which celebrates the growing strength of the God, still in His child form, as well as the return of the Maiden aspect of the Goddess. As their strength and light grow, we grow with them. It is a holiday of light and inspiration, a time when our path becomes more fixed, and the seeds that will grow later begin to stir within us. The Irish celebration of this festival was dedicated to the Goddess Brigid, a triple Goddess who represented inspiration, muse, healing, and the arts. It’s a time for inspiration, enterprise, new beginnings and growth.