Still I Rise

I’m reading a fascinating book at the moment by Dr. Susan Forward and Joan Torres, written way back in 1988 on the subject of mental, emotional and physical abuse. The men who do it and the women who love them. Although this book is aimed at women I know just as many men that suffer at the hands of women, who do virtually the same thing. It’s an emotional journey reading some of the case studies and the verbalisation that these men inflict on their partners to gain control. Quite an eye opener and hopefully it will prevent me from being attracted to this kind of man again.
It took me way back to a piece of work that I did when I first opened the studio in Darlington in 1999. The old studio had the ability to attract people in need of some sort of shoulder to lean on or someone to listen while they one after the other spilled their life stories. I am not a trained counsellor, nor would I want to be, but I have always had time and patience for those in need and I’m there with either the tissues or the cuppa or even a bed for the night.

It was a warm day and the woman fell into the studio in just this way. She looked bewildered, lost and in pain. She stood there (as did many) and shouted out that she could feel waves of energy running up her legs. She said she had never felt this before. We got her a chair, made her a cuppa and started to chat. She had no idea what I did in the studio as I worked upstairs, but as her story unfolded I listened to tell the about the most horrendous acts of mental and physical abuse that I had ever heard. She wept buckets and as the story went on I felt for a woman who was feeling the pain herself so badly, but this was not happening to her, it was happening to her daughter. A mothers pain and anguish that only another mother could understand. Eventually the tears dried up. Her daughter had found the courage to leave this poor excuse for a man (if he could call himself that) and she wanted something for her daughters new house that would give her strength to get over the suffering she had endured. I hugged her and told her to go away and have a think and the hugs and coffees were free at any time.

She returned a few days later, looking 10 years younger and this is what she gave me to write out:

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom? '
Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard '
Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Maya Angelou

It was a huge piece of work. I never got a photograph of it but I did take a print done by a local architect with a scanner and printer large enough to take it.

I really must make an effort to do this piece again and donate copies to Women’s Centres around the country. So many people stay in abusive relationship, thinking that they can make things alright. The tactics used can take many years to heal…. Some never do. A couple of years later and just before I left Darlington, the lady turned up again. Her daughter was fine, had met an amazing guy who put her first, spent many hours building her confidence back up and they were expecting their first child. It just goes to show what is possible with the right man (or woman) behind you. In the wrong hands your life can be fatal!

With love to all victims of abuse and lighting a candle to give you strength to leave it behind and face the future with courage and strength. xxx

Remember - People who use abuse, verbal, emotional, mental or physical are insecure and the only way they can feel important and feed their own ego's is to try to control you and the way you behave. You are not alone. Many of us have fallen victim to this at some time in our lives. Do not feel isolated and do not be intimidated. If you would like the title of the book then please send me a private email where I will be happy to help. Email me at: opalsky2001 (at) yahoo (dot) co (dot) uk
It was printed in 1988 but I'm sure you would still be able to get a copy even if only from the library. I got mine second had and totally a coincidence - I certainly wasn't looking for it. Funny how these things fond you sometimes.