The parting of a loved one

Today I’ve had to make the hardest decision of my life. I managed to go to work, but only for an hour. I don’t know what I was doing there really, probably habit.

I have an appointment booked at the vets for 5pm and I have to have my much loved dog put to sleep.

Grief is grief however it happens. Whether it is death of a partner, the break up of a relationship or death of a much loved pet. I have been through these things and know it’s a time thing that gets you through. Things aren’t made any easier when you live on your own and have no one to share that grief with. I, above anyone else, have spent the most time with him. It’s comforting to know that he will be waiting at the door, wagging his tail and overjoyed to see me when I come home from work. Don’t get me wrong, I have also got 4 cats, but cats are pretty ungrateful little things and really only interested at their convenience.

I rescued Deefer after my own 8 year old spaniel died on Valentines night after a spleen operation. I lasted 3 months, vowing never to want to feel that pain again. My ex boyfriend took me all the way to Hull to get him. He was the last one of 5 that had been ex working dogs and taken there after a marital split up. We brought him home and he sat up at the end of the road as if he knew exactly where he was going. As if he had been here before. My son then worked nights and was in bed, he ran straight up the stairs, jumped on his bed and started licking him all over…. Again as if he had been here before. It took him some time to get used to the cats, and preferred to ignore them rather than get involved with their petty ways. Dodger, my youngest Tabby, chav cat from hell, loves him to pieces and makes up to him whenever he gets the chance. He’s going to miss him terribly too.
I’m not one for dogs in the bedroom, but it’s the only way he will settle and it’s always been the case. Quite comforting, if you live alone.
Last year I had to have a lump removed from on his elbow. It was growing and starting to restrict his movement. The news wasn’t good. He didn’t come out of anaesthetic very easily and the vet said that it was cancer and to expect the worst. Everything healed up nicely and arthritis set in. Again he went down hill, but after a 4 week course of injections and a couple of miracles he was back to his old bouncy self. T and I took him camping a few times and there was nothing he liked better than tromping round the field and sleeping round the campfire. He had his own bed and blanket to keep him warm under the stars.

Then a few weeks ago, the lump returned. There was no point in going back to the vets with it as there was nothing more they could do regarding an operation. It has grown at an alarming rate and last night it burst through the skin and made a terrible mess. It was too late to call the vet and I have no one to take me there anyway at that time of the night. So this morning, I’ve made the call I was dreading. I’ve cried non stop and feel the pain of grief gripping my heart once again. The hours are going slowly and yet fast…. If that makes any sense? I’ve tidied up at the studio, but I am devoid of any creativity.

For now, I ask that the Goddess make his journey to the Summerland easy and without fear or pain.

I know that time is a great healer, but somehow feel, that life will just not be the same.