Yesterday was 'One of THOSE days!'. I woke after yet another sleepless night and one where when I did sleep I had nightmares. Such terrible nightmares (thank you menopause!). Now I've never been prone to bad dreams, so this is all new to me....and to be perfectly honest they bother me in my waking life....A LOT!Now, whether all this was the reason, whether it is the forthcoming winter, whether the full moon, planetary fights or just plain mental torture from a past relationship (long since gone) is the reason I have no idea and for once I really can't be bothered to psychoanalyse it either. I just want the dreams to stop and my life to stay on track.
I hate change....change of any sort disturbs me. Why I have no idea. Finally being in a stable relationship with a guy who is so balanced he should be a set of scales, certainly helps and he's great for being supportive and putting things into perspective.
Now, I wasn't going to blog about this. I really prefer to keep things to myself these days. Only those closest to me would know there was anything wrong. I wear my heart on my sleeve and have never been good at hiding things. I think this comes from the good parenting taught as a child that to be honest was the most important thing.
I say I wasn't going to blog about this, especially since I am trying to write articles to boost people up...I mean, what use is a mentor that can't help herself? But, I need to come clean on this and reading a few other peoples blogs it seems that they had a bad day to! And I got to thinking if they can be honest and come right out with it....then I owe it to them to do the same.....instead of commenting in the shadows and writing all sugar coated blog posts as if life is a dream and my life is just perfect.
I had no reason to feel down. I wanted to cry, I wanted to shut up the studio and never return...I mean, who wants this stuff anyway? I create my little heart out, I'd love to take an income from, what sometimes feels like my own madness....that's all. I don't expect to make a fortune and be able to retire in 3 years time. But sometimes, just sometimes, I wonder why I bother. Why was I not born 'normal' someone who could actually earn a living from a conventional job and be satisfied with my lot?
Thoughts of
whats the use?
Why bother?
Who cares?
Why am I doing this?
One thing is for sure....when I'm 'on one' or should that be 'In one', NOTHING will drag me away from it. I just have to ride the storm and see it through. Ironically, probably going to bed would probably solve the issue.....but at the studio this is not an option.
Today I feel ok!....Yes I'd like to put it down to the weather.....but the weather is the same..... bleak, dull, wet, dreary day it was yesterday....so why the change?
Ah yes....Menopause.....often called THE CHANGE....and as I said earlier...I HATE CHANGE!
So for now, I have spilled. All illusions of me being some sort of Guru have been dispelled.....but at least I have been honest, and that's why I created The Honest Blogger Award.
NOW... I am going to offer this award to the people who made me strong enough today to speak out loud and share my dark side....after all.....we are only human! And without the down days, how would we celebrate and enjoy the good. Without the rain, would we really enjoy the sunshine?
So for Kim Tillier at Witchmountain
I should also mention the wonderful Scarlelt Blue here for her most hilarious posts I offer you and all other honest bloggers out there
Please feel free to add this emblem to your blog or pass it on, in celebration of all those non sugar coated posts, that make us humans feel more human.
REMEMBER: Nothing last forever.....and tomorrow is another day xxx
3 comments:
hear! hear! sista! hell life is not a bowl full of cherries and so silly to pretend it always is! good for you coming out and just saying how you feel, and being honest. love that dear:) anyway, i dabble a bit in the herbal things and wonder if you might find motherwort herb of benefit for menopause... i know i did! and a little pre bedtime tea of linden with honey perhaps might sweeten those dreams:) nightmares suck, and i understand how they can encroach on daytime thoughts... and if sleep continues to allude you, try valerian it is good and wild lettuce is even stronger, at least for me. went through 5 freaking years of hell with menopause myself, and still have a few issues myself! damn change! lol! big hugs to you sue!! xx (of course, if you are on any meds double check the above advise suits and doesn't hurt! )
Oh yes Leslie....I bought the Motherwort....and sage tincture....and menopace....I just need to remember to take the bloody stuff! A more realistic solution than HRT I think :o)
I'm not the first to go through this and I won't be the last.....but thank you very much for your support xxx
I'll let you know how I get on.....however the sage does have a rather disgusting taste....a sort of menthol earwax kinda taste :o)
yes try to remember to take it! lol! i agree about the sage... gag! i despise sage tea also, which is suppose to be helpful..just a crappy stage in a woman's life.. big hugs, you're welcome.. now don't forget to take the stuff you bothered to buy! lol! :) xx
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